End Result
by Diary
Summary: Warning: Contains non-explicit rape. Everything comes crashing back nine months after the conference, when he hears, "Hello, Dr Oliver. Give Luciano my best. If he ever wants this child to have a sibling, I'm his only hope." Complete.


Disclaimer: I do not own As the World Turns.

* * *

Taking stock of the situation, Reid Oliver comes to one conclusion.

He's a terrible doctor.

That out of the way, he slips off his father's ring –he had it on when it happened- and showers. Preservation of evidence is key, he remembers but doesn't care.

After that, he gets dressed, packs, and heads back to Oakdale (home is gone). He doesn't pay attention to the journey, wishing he'd focused more on his psych rotation and listened to Luke's various lectures over the year.

Thinking of Luke is too painful, he realises.

He should have known the drink was spiked.

…

He had a drink at the conference, and a woman dressed in scrubs led him to his room when he was stumbling around.

He remembers not being sure what was happening, trying to fight her off in the few moments of lucidity he did have, and he remembers, that, at one point, she brought up Luke. Thoughts of Luke had both helped and made it worse.

…

At home, Luke notices the ring's absence, and he says something about it irritating his finger –a lie, wonderful- and Luke accepts it. _If you don't trust me, what in the hell are we doing?_

Luke kisses him, and he remembers wanting him so badly he could barely stand it.

Now, he has to back away when Luke tries to take it further. He says something about being tired, possibly coming down with a bug, and he has to resist the urge to yell when Luke, disappointed, accepts it and offers soup and ginger ale, asking if he needs to make a run and get some over-the-counter medicine from the store for him.

"I was raped."

….

As soon as he's said it, he wishes he hadn't.

Luke, though, has always known how to play dirty, and he wraps around and probably wouldn't let go even if he tried to extract himself. "I was almost raped once, and I don't really think about it. I- don't know what to do to help you, but I love you. And I'm begging you not to push me away. Please, Reid."

…

They file a police report that comes to nothing.

Security cameras were on the fritz, and no one particularly remembers when he left or if anyone was with him.

Luke is too understanding, and he thinks he might understand Noah a little better. Luke will put everything on hold. Luke is still the man he fell in love with.

He's not the one Luke fell in love with, and he doesn't think he ever will be again.

…

Medicine is his refuge.

Surgery is as challenging and easy as ever.

Nurse Gretchen Taylor looks at him as if he's a puzzle and takes to following him around. He wishes he could send her running with sarcasm and insults, but all he can bring himself to do is glare when she gets too close.

He hears the talk, about how distracted and almost pleasant he seems, but he's only going to care if he starts becoming a danger to patients.

…

One night, he wakes up calling Luke's name, feeling the evidence of his wet dream against his thighs and on his still semi-erect penis.

He deliberately doesn't pay attention to Luke's reaction, leaving as fast as he can.

All he can feel is shame and helplessness, because he's not a teenager. He wants sex but can't bring himself to, and he constantly feels guilty about that on top of everything else.

…

Nurse Taylor is somehow around when the nurse at reception tells him of Luke's almost panicked-sounding calls. She hands him a chocolate shake he can't bring himself to drink, and when he pours it out in the break room, she looks as if the puzzle pieces are coming together.

The next day, she hands him a sealed can of soda, and he manages to take a few sips before he has to go prep for surgery.

…

Everything comes crashing back nine months after the conference, when he hears, "Hello, Dr Oliver. Give Luciano my best. If he ever wants this child to have a sibling, I'm his only hope."

He takes her in, Zoe Finn, or at least, that's the alias Luke knows her by. She's in labour, and he finally remembers seeing her face clearly above his.

He doesn't bother wondering why Margo Hughes or any of the boys and girls in blue have no clue that a kidnapper and accessory to murder is back in town. He's just incredibly grateful to see Nurse Taylor nearby, and he reaches over to grab her, ignoring her gasp and instinctive jerk. "You see this woman? Under no circumstances am I allowed near her or the kid she's about to have. If I try to go near her, make sure Memorial doesn't end up with a dead patient and do whatever you have to keep me away. Don't let Luke near her, either, but he can see the kid."

Letting go, he walks away.

…

"Yeah," Natalie says, sounding utterly confused as she sits down on the bench, "um, Luke tried to kill that woman, whoever she is, but she's alive. The police took her away. So, do you want to see your daughter?"

He looks at her.

"Look, I'm just here because Nurse Gretchen refused to let Luke go past the lobby until someone in his family showed up. So, apparently, you and the woman hooked up, had a baby, and I guess you're lucky he's forgiven you?"

He walks away, only to find one of the janitors waiting in the back parking lot. "Gretchen has different people stationed all around here, Dr Oliver. We're not supposed to let you leave."

…

"I liked you better when you were incompetent," he informs her as she hands him a chart and uses a pen to push him along.

"I was never incompetent, Dr Oliver. I've always done what's best for the patients."

Baby girl, four pounds, three ounces, blue eyes, the chart reads. Healthy.

"You were weepy."

"I was making the switch to a new medicine for my bipolar disorder while on my period. I couldn't help that patient, and I had another patient that needed immediate help. Therefore, I paged you. I wasn't responsible for the original one falling asleep instead of staying awake and writhing in pain."

"You're creepy."

"I'm an asset to this hospital."

He refuses to go into neonatal unit. "You hate me and didn't want to get the chief of staff job."

"I don't hate you, and I've adapted."

They stand there.

"I'm not going in."

"Okay," she says, staring at him.

"Don't you have- somewhere else to be?"

"Well, I could go call Dr Bob Hughes."

…

Luke doesn't register his presence right away, holding a tiny baby, wrapped in soft purple and brown, and looking at her as if he's just found the love of his life. He imagines they tried to put her in pink, and someone, whether Luke or Natalie, protested about gender stereotyping; he imagines Luke couldn't care less but did it for Natalie's sake, since she's become a soapbox Sadie.

"Where's her birth certificate?"

Luke jumps, slightly, causing a small sound to emit from the baby, and he smiles brightly, tears in his eyes. "She has your eyes and hair," he says, in wonder, getting up and walking over.

Reid crosses his arms, refusing to touch the baby. Pale blue eyes, and shockingly red, curly, thick hair on her head, almost past her ears. Her tiny hands are curled, resting against her cheeks.

"Reid-"

"You need to take care of her."

He sees the hope and happiness and realises his mistake. "Luke- no. Call me a coward, heartless, or whatever you want, but I can't have anything to do with her. So, I need to go somewhere else, and you love her. You've always wanted a kid. Take care of her."

"This isn't the type of decision you need to make with so much going around," Luke says, softly, starting to set the baby in her cot. "We can-"

Reaching over, he stops him. Hand going to his cheek, Reid kisses him, softly. Then, hand still on the cheek, he says, "Goodbye, Luke."

He walks away.

…

"Hey, Katie," he murmurs, softly, from the hospital room he's been unofficially crashing in, since going to the hotel the baby's grandmother is co-owner of is probably not a good idea, especially due to the fact he refuses to take any of Luke's calls or listen to any of the voice messages on his phone. Oakdale has several motels, but- he's trying his best to avoid interacting with anyone who doesn't need his medical expertise.

Some part of him is glad Luke hasn't brought the baby to him, and some part constantly feels like crying.

"I should have known something was up," she says, crawling onto the hospital bed and wrapping her arms around him.

"I'll have you quarantined," he threatens.

"You wouldn't believe the gossip."

"I've already heard most of it."

"Reid, I-"

"Katie, I mean it," he orders. "Don't you dare apologise. I've handled things as best I could. If I needed you to know, I would have found a way to tell you."

"Luke isn't sure about what to name her."

Sighing, he looks up at the ceiling. The baby's been discharged. He's heard Luke and the others have already gotten the house set up for her, and there was a party when he brought her home.

He's seen the birth certificate. Luciano Eduardo Snyder is above the father's name. Her own name is still blank, but someone had put Snyder where her surname goes. He wishes he knew if it was Luke who wrote it in or someone else.

"You need to see your daughter, Reid."

"No, I don't. And I'm sorry if that loses me your friendship, but-"

"When Brad died, I refused to see Jacob. I refused to hold him, to feed him, to even look at him. I just couldn't deal. When I finally did, I cried and just babbled my heart out to him. I'm surprised he wasn't terrified. Now, he's fine, and I'm fine, but I still not regret spending the first week of his life with him. And you will, too, but if you hold her and decide you want to be a part of her life, you'll be able to put the hurt and regret aside when it comes to all the other moments you do get."

He doesn't answer.

"I know, right now, it's- doable. It might not be if you hold her and feel her in your arms. If it still is, then, you're probably right; it's best for you to not be. But I think it's best for everyone, including you, that you see before you make the call. Because, if you don't even try, you might wake up a year or two down the line and-" She trails off.

Groaning, he sits up.

…

He lets himself in and hears Luke's in the shower.

Going to the bedroom, he finds the baby stretched out in a bassinet, puffing her cheeks in and out, her tongue resembling a hyperactive snake's, the baby monitor on nearby. Turning it off, he looks down at her for a long moment.

Withdrawing his father's ring, he sets it on the nightstand and carefully picks her up, sitting down.

She looks up with clear, curious eyes, and he feels the unwelcome tears as she squirms against him. "Hey," he says, softly. "I'm- well, biologically, I'm your dad. To everyone else, I'm Dr Reid Oliver." Sighing, he takes a deep breath and looks away for a moment.

"Whatever issues you'll have, don't use me as a- an excuse, okay? I'd be a terrible father. Luke is one of the best you could ever hope for. I'm- I'm sure he'll find someone else who will also be one of the best- and God, I already sympathise with your bad granddad. I don't want someone else raising my kid. I don't want someone else having him. But you know what? I have to do this, because, I can't just stick around and be one of those parents who gets to be the cool one while the actual parent does all the hard work."

"If I did more than buy you presents and indulge you, occasionally babysitting, I'd be a bad parent. I'd miss whatever you had. Ballet, soccer, band- whatever. I'd leave in the middle of the night for surgery. I'd yell, and I've never hit anyone, but there is a bit of a family history, there. I couldn't forgive myself if I did that to you. I wouldn't be able to curb my tendency towards brutal honesty, and for a girl in this society-"

She seems uncaring his tears are on her face.

"And your dad deserves better. I never meant to fall in love with him, you know, but I couldn't help kissing him one day. Which, uh, try not to kiss anyone without their full knowledge and consent, okay? And from there, there were several times I told myself to walk away, but I've never been truly afraid. Until now."

"I hate the thought of him with anyone else, couldn't stand it if he's with me, but there are some things I just can't do. And what if we don't work? You'd be right in the middle, which has done wonders for him and your aunts and uncles and cousins."

"Then, there's your biological mother. If she tries to get near you, your dad will unleash Hell. If I'm part of the picture, I'd probably insult the judge, the social workers, and whoever else we can't afford to piss off. I have a tendency to do things like that."

She blinks and starts nodding off.

"Here's the bottom line: I love you, and I love your dad. When it comes down to it, I'm leaving because it's the best thing I can do, and I may hate myself, but if the payoff is you and him happy and safe, then, I'm willing to make that sacrifice."

Standing up, he sets her back in the bassinet, gently wipes his tears off her face, and leans down to kiss her. "I love you," he whispers.

Setting the house key down next to the ring, he turns the baby monitor back on and starts to leave.

"Damian could have been a part of my life; he chose a life in Malta and my inheritance over me."

Almost jumping out of his skin, he turns and sees Luke standing near the bedroom in a towel.

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough," Luke answers, and his voice is mostly unsympathetic.

"Luke-"

"You have no idea how truly pissed I am at you, but- I still love you."

"Your hesitation makes that very believable."

"Don't be an ass, Reid. I haven't slept for more than thirty minutes at a time for days," Luke answers, yawning and giving what might be classified, if viewed indulgently, as a glare.

He has to repress the urge to reach over and kiss him.

"I know you never signed-up for this."

"Yeah, well, if you ever try to take her from me, I'll unleash hell on you, too," Luke says, blinking. "But she's your daughter. Anyone who tries to feed her can see that. You waited until I was ready, remember? And there's these things, they're called video cameras. We can set aside a time for all three of us to watch performances or recitals or games. And after Jacob's terrible two phase, you can't seriously tell me you'd resort to violence. He practically lived with us for a month, and you're the one who kept everyone together."

"Luke-"

Walking over, Luke brings a hand up to his cheek. "I'm still just as in love with you as I was that day outside of Java. If you- if you- leave and change your mind about being a part of her life in the future, I'll try to be accommodating. But I think you need to think you need to face facts. You could have given her up, and I couldn't have stopped you. I probably would have supported you, as much as it would have hurt. But you didn't. You made me her dad. And you still love me just as much as you did that day in the parking lot."

"Sometimes, love isn't always enough."

"It's enough for me. I think it'd be enough for her."

"The truth is that I'm not the same man you fell in love with," he says, already feeling his defences weakening.

"The man who makes me laugh? The-"

"I haven't done that lately."

"The man who puts being a doctor above almost anything? The one who loves strange food combinations and Doogie Howser reruns? The one who didn't yell at me when I tried to help him, even though I made it worse? The one who still mourns a little girl he tried his best to save but couldn't? The one who made me feel wanted and needed? Who still does? The one I've reached out for every time I've woken up, wondering why I didn't feel his hand on my transplant scar?"

"Funny, I look at you, and I still see that same man. I wish you could, too."

"We haven't had sex in almost a year, Luke. I know why you take longer showers than you used to, and I know you're more aware of the looks other men give you when we're out. Eventually, you fell in love with me, but sexual attraction has always been-"

Luke leans forward and gives him a gentle kiss.

"Do you want me to be completely honest instead of just saying it's okay? Yes, I miss the sex. I hope that you get to a point where you can enjoy it and feel safe having it, but I can also look you in the eye and tell you that I'll be fine if it never happens again. Because I'll always put a person over that. I'll always put you, here with me and our baby, over it. Before she came, it was the same."

"I won't be fine. I don't believe a person should be condemned to a life of celibacy due to their partner's issues."

"You once said that you didn't consider sex an absolute must in relationships. You said that, if it came down to it, you could be happy with just your hand."

"Yeah, well, I was also secretly convinced you'd end up back with Noah."

Luke grins, laughing slightly, and he feels his heart constrict.

He lowers his hand, taking Reid's hand. "Stay. You can get up to feed the baby or whatever else she needs so that I can finally get some sleep, and in the morning, we can talk. You don't have to worry about me being with someone else or them raising your kid if you do. We can handle the mistakes we'll both make together."

He has no idea what to do, and Luke leads him into the bedroom.

After putting on a pair of boxers and t-shirt, Luke goes over to the nightstand. Picking up the ring, he says, "This is more than your dad's ring, isn't? When I helped you put it on that first time, there was something deeper. You just didn't tell me."

"Can we keep the soul-baring discussions to one a night?"

Luke walks over, and he automatically extends his hand. It slips on easily, and part of him breaks and the other part heals.

Touching his face, Luke gently guides it back, wiping the tears. "You know that you're going to have to help me pick out a ring for me, soon, don't you?"

"What makes you think I won't be gone by the time the baby cries?"

"I just do," is the simple answer.

Carefully, Luke removes his belt, and he kicks off his shoes, slipping off his jeans.

He's guided into to bed, and automatically, his hand slips under Luke's shirt, finding the transplant scar. The lights are turned off, and sleep comes hard and fast.

…

The sound of crying wakes him, and automatically, he kisses Luke's neck, muttering, "Stay asleep."

He gets up and makes a bottle, the baby crying shrilly and jerking her arms in impatience. When he brings it to her mouth, she practically inhales half of it, and then, slows down, sucking leisurely, occasionally pausing to feel the milk in her mouth.

"Your dad wasn't exaggerating, then."

"I only exaggerate the good qualities," Luke says, stumbling in.

"You should be asleep."

"It's going to take some time for me to get to where I can," is the bleary answer. "She needs a name. And we should probably figure out what to tell her when she asks about her mom. I don't owe Zoe anything, but I don't- I'm not sure if it's right if she hates her. I mean- What she did is terrible, you know that I understand-"

"Luke, drink something and maybe eat. Stop babbling," he orders, feeling a smile forming. "I think I'll always hate her, and I wish she'd never done this. But since she did, I don't regret- our daughter," he says, testing the words out, "being the end result. I don't think the baby should be encouraged to hate, either. And you're right, she needs a name."

Sitting down, Luke opens a can of soda, looking at him.

"Trust me," he says. "Please. I know I didn't handle any of this the right way, but- I want you and her, and I'm here, fully."

"That's all I need to hear," Luke answers, and he sees, with relief, the truth of that statement.

"I'm sor-"

"Reid, you don't need to apologise. I know all this is hard and confusing, and you're trying to deal as best you can. I'm just glad you let me talk you down."

"Whether I need to or not, I am. I'm sorry. You asked me not to push you away, and I didn't exactly mean to, but I did. No matter what, we need to always try to be there for each other, especially now that she," he nods to the still sucking baby, "needs us."

"I know you hate the idea, but would you reconsider therapy?"

"Yeah," he answers with a sigh as his daughter fusses, done with her bottle. "Whatever I need to do."

…

Epilogue

"Hi, Nurse Gretchen," Holly Reid Oliver-Snyder says, cheerfully. "Is Daddy in surgery?"

"Five minutes ago," Gretchen answers, glancing over at the little girl. "How was school, darling?"

"I, uh, might have justifiably called my substitute an idiot," Holly Reid says, her hand going up to her ear. "Justifiably," she repeats.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that until after you've had your pudding cup," Gretchen says, half-amused and half-worried.

Holly Reid is a sweet little girl, but like both her fathers, she refuses to suffer fools and she's less forgiving of adults than she is children her own age.

"Thank you!" Holly Reid says, giving her a winning smile. She's a cute kid, chubby and freckled-face, her curly, auburn hair often in puppy dog ears and her pale, at-times discerning eyes are often filled with a sweet softness. She loves skorts and stripped t-shirts and wears glittery stars on her face whenever she can get away with it.

"I wish I'd gotten here in time to thank Daddy for my present so that we could call Dada right now," she continues as Gretchen finishes filling out a chart and they start towards the cafeteria. "He's gotten better at keeping surprises secret," she adds, worriedly.

Confused, Gretchen stops. "I didn't know anything about a present," she says, carefully. "What did your daddy send you?"

"This," Holly Reid says, holding up a necklace that looks familiar. "An orderly delivered it after school. He's the one who brought me here."

"Aunt Katie was supposed to drop you off," Gretchen says, dread filling her.

"Yeah, but she had car trouble, so, Daddy sent Orderly- uh, I still can't pronounce his last name."

Suddenly, the memory of where she's seen the necklace hits Gretchen. The woman who hurt Dr Oliver had been wearing one just like it when she was admitted.

"Oh, God, no," she mutters, withdrawing her gloves and putting them on before quickly taking the necklace off. "Holly Reid- honey, you're not in trouble, but a doctor needs to examine you, and we need to call your daddy and get your other daddy out of surgery as soon as possible," she says, wondering if she should wait until Dr Oliver or Luke is back to call the police.

"Okay," Holly Reid answers, looking at her in bewilderment. "Can I please have my necklace back if I'm not in trouble?"

"Honey, this isn't from Dr Oliver," she says, quickly leading her to an exam room with her elbow rather than either hand, hoping Katie is alright. Dr Oliver might fire her, and Luke might kill her, but if she can't immediately get a hold of Katie, she has to call the police. "Whoever brought you here- It's going to be alright. I just need to page Dr Stewart, and then, send someone to see if we can get Daddy out of surgery. Then, we'll call Dada."


End file.
